Wednesday, September 30, 2009

DyVineDyalogue 2.5

DyVineDyalogue 2.5: Tainted Trust

If asked what are the most important attributes of a healthy relationship, it is undoubtedly true that trust will be among those listed. Everyone wants to be labeled trustworthy and, in turn, seek that same attribute in others. I know I do, and if you read these posts regularly, you do. You measure my actions and words in accordance to your own and you say yes.. I can trust her, or no, I cannot. To some extent, you trust what I have to say (and I thank you for that trust). However today, I did not come to speak to you about being trustworthy. You know what you require. Expect that others require the same and you’ll do just fine. I've come to address a trust we all know too well: Tainted Trust.

I had to go look up trust. This is the definition that I got from Trust - noun. Confident expectation of something; hope. I was quite astonished to see the word “hope.” That makes this DyVineDyalogue so much easier to write. So, I shall define Tainted Trust as such: - noun. a trust that has been through battle and has never been fully restored. A trust that has been tarnished by lackluster love, effort, and caused by undue pain. A loss of hope in love.

I have been cheated on. I have been lied to. And I have been lied about (*side eye to the haters*). My trust has been tainted. However, I am able to write this piece because I choose to restore myself and my trust. I choose to bandage my ailing wounds and allow them to heal. And I remember that love is a chance. Each time a new set of odds are placed before me and I will not miss a chance to grow in love.

Fellas, have you ever dealt with a woman who questioned your every move? Every word? Ladies, have you dealt with a man who, no matter your efforts, believed what other people had to say about you (i.e. his mama). Barring any insecurity issues, tainted trust is your problem.

Yesterday, I said via Twitter…”There are times when you allow ppl n. And u put down the guards. U give them this power [trust]… And they hurt u…” I go on to say, “U find it harder to trust again. So u put off being vulnerable. U forget what being soft is. U alienate u and ur heart from the world…” And finally, “Little do u kno how unfair that is to those who really wanna love u” (Side note… I say some dope ish via Twitter… make a note to follow me: @DyVineSoul).

I’ve come to realize that the majority of us are out here walkin around with tainted trust. We let the experiences in the past keep in a present hell and bar us from future happiness. Love is about chance. Will he be the one? Is this my wife? And trust is about hope. I hope that he will love me enough to consider me before he thinks about cheating. I hope that she will put my feelings into consideration before she makes a big decision. Trust and Love. Love and Trust. There isn’t one without the other.

While writing this blog, I got a call from my guy whom I kick mad knowledge with most of the time. The conversation we had made my revelation so much clearer. Because this relationship between love and trust exists, we have to realize that we can never truly love until we allow ourselves to heal our tainted trust. We cannot wholeheartedly give ourselves if the trust isn’t there. We all walk around looking for love without realizing that we have to be a whole “self” before we can become an "us."

My guy of course said this, “As you get older, you go through things that make you trust people less.” To this I say, the rules of the "real" world don’t always apply in love. Love is its own warped, rose-colored world. And we have to realize that trust in the real world is not that of the love world. Its common sense that, as we age, we experience things that make us guarded. We learn of robberies and theft, so we lock our door. But if you look closely… that doesn’t apply in love. If I choose to lock my heart’s door, no one will enter and I’ll never have love. I have to be able to take a chance that if I let you make it into my yard, up the path and knock on my heart’s door, that I can let you in and, at least, look around.

When we first meet someone and as time progresses, we let them know we like them. We give them power [trust]. And as the relationship grows, we give them more and more til finally, they have our complete and total trust. And we’ve fallen in love. We’ve given them this great deal of power in our life and that makes us vulnerable. This is why it hurts so much when we people cheat and such. And this is usually why you hear people tweeting, ranting, crying and singing about not trusting again. It’s a hard thing to deal with.

Believe me, I know this isn’t easy. I know that some of us have been wronged in ways that most will never imagine. But you must heal. And you must heal properly. Take the chance on love and restore your hope. Restore your trust.

And one thing that I always like to stress is that everything that you do is about control. If you realize that you are in control of your emotions and all that is you, it is so much easier to change things. If someone has hurt you and you allow them to forever walk away with your trust, you are letting them have a power over you. Keep your control. Control your power. Say to yourself that I will trust. I will not let that person from the past keep me from what I want now and in the future.

I hope all this helps. I hope you will heal. Matter of fact… I trust that you will!

Peace & Blessings,


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