Wednesday, September 16, 2009

DyVine Dyalogue 2.3

We Fight/We Love

“We fight in love so much, sometimes I get confused of who we are” – Raphael Saadiq, “We Fight/We Love” on Q-Tip’s The Renaissance

I come to you all to tell you my story with the hopes that you’ll learn. I know I write these blog posts and I can attest that I have a lot of wisdom on the subject but, I must confess… I am still learning new things about love everyday. It never ceases to amaze me, the amount of lessons that I learn and the wonderment I have for the lessons to come.

So, follow me, if only for a little while. (Follow me on Twitter too! @SnewtyDyvine – the blog & @DyVineSoul – personal ha,ha)

Love is a fight or more appropriately stated by Pat Benatar… Love is a Battlefield. Either you’re fighting against the forces that aim to hurt your relationship, or you’re fighting with your counterpart to make it all work. Like any battle, there are days when the fight intensifies and days when you rest but, no matter the day… you’re still keeping an eye out because, you never know what lies beyond the horizon.
Like any one of us can attest to, relationships and love are constant battles. It’s only natural that we argue (or disagree) with our other half. We are two different people with two different perspectives, trying to share one world together. When we’re single, we only have to be cognizant of the wants and needs of one person – ourselves. Now all of the sudden, we have another person to factor in, who has their own wants and needs that may or may not match our own. And what we have to get is that it is those disagreements that shape the boundaries of your relationship. They also open up opportunities for you to get to know more about your boo. So next time you all are disagreeing… think about how you’ll be different later and what did you learn. It’s all about growth. Are we bigger, better and stronger than when we got in this love? But most importantly, at the end of the day we realize that for our relationship (or love) to continue, we have to subscribe to the song of Stevie when he eloquently wrote “All in Love is Fair.” We have to take the small battles in stride and look to the great things that they can do for our future.

But what about when outside forces (exes, friends, enemies and such) come against your relationship? This is where my story comes in. I have loved before. However, I have never fought for it. If an obstacle stood between us and the future, I figured that the obstacle was there for a reason and I conveniently walked away. It seemed like the easiest way to go as well as the most logical and least emotional. But what I hadn’t realized was that I was setting myself up for failure. I know plenty about fighting in love, but I know nothing about fighting for love (or even like). I realized in recent days that, I am ill equipped to fight. So what can I do? How can I make this better? There seems to be no amount of poems or how to books that can detail to me how to fight for what I want. I am dumbfounded at the notion of having to fight... And when I fight, how long do I fight?

So, for once, I want your help Snewty readers!!! Help a sister out! Lol!

~AyeJae DyVine~

NO QOTWK... Just shed some light!


Anonymous said...

Sometimes you have to look at the situation. Is this normal or something that the person does all the time (character flaw) or is this an instance or lapse in judgement. I think that no good person honestly does any act thinking, "this is going to hurt someone or this is a terrible idea". No, they think its a good idea at the time or they don't think at all. Misunderstanding and miscommunication are the demise to all relationships. I think that you should at least talk it out. If the shyts not worth fighting for, its not worth having. I thank God my parents fight because if they didn't something would be seriously wrong, i would feel like i was living in the Truman show.
If this one fight leads to multiple others then maybe its not supposed to be. But you have to realize what you have invested and how happy he/she makes you feel. But one argument just means you are at a point where you actually care what that person says.

He probably feels bad because it sounds like it was all gravy and this effected the relationship. He probably doesn't like drama if you all have be talking for a while and you haven't fought yet...

In the end do whats best for you

Hope this helps, you defiantly help me...

Anonymous said...

Probably many facets and different for everyone... but I think you that if you fight you have to make sure that you don't lose yourself while trying to keep your relationship. It's okay to grow, but as you fight you change... just make sure that the changes that are happening are aiight with you!

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