Wednesday, September 23, 2009

DyVineDyalogue 2.4

I was just kidding!!

I’m convinced. Women and men speak different versions of the same language. Men say tomato and women say tomato too but, when a man says it… he means that red thing you put on sandwiches and burgers. Women mean solanum lycopersicum; a herbaceous plant that is typically cultivated for human consumption in a variety of forms (i.e. in ketchup, in salsa, on burgers, etc) and in many vegetarian recipes, can used as a substitute for meat. You get my drift?

I don’t mean to say that men are dumb; I simply mean to say that men take words at face value, women look at everything so much deeper. And it is this reason why communication between the two is all jacked up! People write books, sing songs and all sorts of things to say the same thing. Somewhere along the way, someone made the leap to even say we’re from different planets! (Stupid, I know!) Barring our extra-terrestrial travel to this great planet, I’d have to stick with my explanation. Call me biased but, hear me out. I speak excellent English, as does my “boo”, so why has this issue affected us? It’s simply because we perceive the same words differently!

On the phone. (This is not a real scenario)

Girl: Hey Boo!

Guy: Hey Bae. What’s good with you?

Girl: Nothing. I’m watching TV. I don’t see what the hype is over Serena Williams.

Guy: Me either, she’s not that pretty, but she thicker than that thang! I’d hit! (Proceeds to laugh)

Girl: (extremely angry) What?!?

Guy: (confused) What?!? I said she thick… I know you not mad, are you?

**phone clicks – Dial tone**

Sound familiar? This scenario or some variation of it happens all the time. It’s obvious to guys that this is a joke (as evidenced by his laughter). To Ladies… not so much! Before I proceed, I want to make this clear; some of us (like me) are a bit more intuitive and can see both sides. However, there are some who just won’t. From a woman’s perspective, this joke could lead to sooooo much more.

Like this… (Follow the thoughts):

“I don’t think that was a joke. If it was a joke, I would’ve gotten it. If he’s checking for Serena that hard, how many other females is he doing the same to? Yeah, he is always with that girl, (insert name here). I bet he likes her. I know he’s checking her out. OMG… Is this fool cheating on me?”

I know there are those of you who think this is a stretch but, this is the God-honest truth. I can imagine SEVERAL of my friends doing this very thing! And yes… I have fell victim to this thinking as well. (Covers face in shame) But, I am happy to admit my mistake. (Sorry boo! – LOL)

So, now, I’m here to help us better understand each other. Here are some tips that should help:

1. Men & Women: Say what you mean!

If someone asks you a straightforward question, you give a straightforward answer. “April, what is your favorite color?” “My favorite color is green!” You get what I’m saying? If you are angry with your significant other, say that! “I am angry with you” or “I can’t stand you right now!” Don’t beat around the bush and say you’re fine, when you aren’t.

2. Men & Women: Mean what you say!

If you say “I love you,” say it because that is the way you feel! Don’t say it because you think that that is what the other person wants you to say. Or because you think that’s what they want to hear!

3. Men & Women: Ask Questions!!!!

If you don’t get what’s going on… simply say, “So what you’re saying is (insert your paraphrase of what was said here).” Why be confused about what he/she has said? Like T.I. says in ATL… “Ay man, Be clear..”

4. Women: Don’t always assume there’s more

If he says it, take it as that. Yes there are times when there’s more. More often, there isn’t more to it. If a guy says, I like you – that’s what he means. He does not mean, go out and pick the ring, buy the dress and book the church. He means that he likes you. You’re worth his time. Nothing more.

5. Men: Be clear

I know this is sort of a repeat but not so much. When you are speaking with your woman, don’t be vague. Leave no room for doubt. If there’s doubt, she’ll wonder. And as evidenced by the thought process up above – you do not want her filling in the blanks!

6. Women: Don’t assume that he knows what you’re thinking

Women have this logic that their men KNOW them inside and out. Yes, he does know you and know your likes and dislikes but, please don’t assume that he knows how you think. Perfect example: Him: “Bae, what you wanna eat?” Her: “Oh, anything’s fine.” So, he goes out and brings back Mexican food. Her: “Boo. Mexican food? You KNOW I love Chinese better… you should have gotten me Chinese” (Yes this goes back to meaning what you say, but it is key here as well!)

7. Men & Women Be careful with jokes

When it comes to jokes… make sure the other party fully understands that it is a joke. Also, take into account the type of relationship you guys have.. Is joking common? Is the relationship new? Is he/she in a good mood today? How will they respond to the joke?

**Bonus tip!!** - If at all possible, avoid texting your significant other over prolonged periods of time. Text is a HORRENDOUS form of communication to play jokes, express feelings, or relay bad/good news. I say this because, I have fallen victim and I fully know the power of miscommunication due to text! So PLEASE heed my warning!

I’m sure there are more tips we can think of! So feel free to comment and let me know your stories of miscommunication!

Peace & Blessings,


Follow me and this blog on Twitter: @DyVineSoul (personal) && @SnewtyDyVine (blog)


otongo3 said...

Amazing, Amazing!!!
You've done it again!
I agree wit everything especially the part in red... lol

Anonymous said...

How come I knew you would!?! And to everyone else, please heed my warnings haha!

Communication is jacked up for the most part anyway... I can vouch for doin my part. Anyone who knows me can tell you I-D-K and O-M-G and W-T-F are parts of my everyday conversation. However when it comes to relationships, we have to think smarter if we ever want to understand.

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