Wednesday, April 15, 2009

DyVineDyalogue 1.1

Question of the Week:

Can men and women truly be friends??

**When commenting, start your answer w/QOTW to differentiate between responding to this question and the DyVineDyalogue

The Professional Side Smash

In today's day and age, cheating is rampant. With all the bussas, sluts, hoes, and grimy individuals in the world (both male and female), how can one stay faithful?? When we look at these scenarios, we often focus on the cheaters and those that have been wronged; but, I'd like to take this week to discuss the individuals in the equation least talked about but obviously prevalent: The Professional Side Smash.

Be clear (SN: Ladies, don't you love when T.I. says that?? Ha-ha), I'm not talking about the female or male that doesn't know that she/he is a side smash. I'm talking about the "flea"male (used interchangeably) who is a willing participant in the festivities. She’s the chick that has your phone number just in case he acts up and doesn't give her the money he promised. He’s the dude that welcomes your wifey with open arms to his bed when you think she's out with the girls. The breezy/brotha who thinks it's perfectly fine to stick her/his narrow ass in the crevices of your relationship.

“The best type of dip is the one that you don’t have to convince to be a DIP/Side Chick - the willing dipper, if I may.”
-Marcus E.

We always wanna give these textbook answers for people like this. Ya know, they don't respect themselves or they don't think they deserve better. Or my fave, oft quoted by my teetee (yes, I said teetee), "when you know better, you do better.” However, I'd like to disagree (and play Devil's advocate, for the sake of discussion). They respect themselves, they just don't respect YOU, the faithful mofo in the relationship OR the dumb ass cheater. Deserve better?? Excuse me while I laugh! They're getting, in a way only T.I. can say, the "CREME de la CREME homie." And they obviously know there are better options, but could care less cuz the other options aren’t as productive or rewarding. Side smashes want it this way and are getting everything they desire. They're getting the booty/d*ck, the money/benefits, enough “reciprocity of need” to keep the situation going, and the ability to still maintain that "single" status. What are you getting besides a headache from all the "where you been at" arguments?? Lol

We all know they exist. Hell, at the moment, we might even be one. I'm just here to point out what I've observed. And what I see is that, professional side smashes have tendencies and characteristics. Most particularly:

1. They prey on those that have a weakness for the booty/d*ck. This is mostly a problem for men who, by nature, are hunters and seek out the side booty! So, as we all know, the side chick is way more popular.

2. They are self-involved individuals. If they aren't coming out on top, the situation is null and void.

3. Side smashes also don't give a f*ck about yo Boo at home! So, please don't confuse them with the dumb ass mofos that are sitting on the side waiting patiently for the cheater to leave.

These are hard core mofos that are all about getting it in and can be seen in the club singing, "f*ck a n*gga, money make me cum!" ha-ha! Or one of my fave Dream hits, "I Love Yo Girl."
"There's a certain level on non-f*ck giving" (I had to include that, I LMMFBO @ it.)
-Nick M.

I will openly admit that the words you are reading are biased (if you can't already tell). I am that faithful mofo! And I abhor the IDEA of a side chick/dip (don't twist my words to say that I hate side chicks/dips. I don't, do your dougie!). Moreover, the song "Boyfriend #2" blows me! So, I decided to open the discussion up to some friends, both single and boo’d up, and here's what feedback I got:

“I hate the side chick!!!!! What kinda woman would allow themselves to be the side chick?!?!? I don't even blame the guy, I blame the girl. If women would not allow themselves to be the side chick, then men would not have a side chick! You see, men only do what we allow them to do. We (women) have the power... or the cookie as Steve Harvey calls it. Lol… But if you KNOW that yo ass is the side chick, then you straight need to be bitch slapped!!!!! No questions asked!!!”
-Janelle W.

”Coming from a man who had no need for a sideline chick, there is no purpose or legitimate reason for a man to use/borrow and toy with another woman's emotions.”
-Drewsean W.

Much as I suspected, there is a general consensus among people that Side Smashes are not a positive thing. But somebody loves it. Unfortunately for me, those ppl who do are not willing to speak up (punks!). So I did one better…

A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, admitted to being a side smash and had this to say:

"I guess the best way to describe us is either beautiful with issues, or ugly with low self esteem… I never set out to be a side chick."

Although this adds to that afflicted persons excuse that I totally dismissed in the earlier part of this article, it does need to be presented so you understand that not ALL side smashes are created equal. There are multiple types and as I learned from a friend, where that person is in life can determine that as well (i.e. busy career woman). So, there are some that this quote applies to, but the ones that I'm speaking on are The Professional Side Smashes. No one seems to admit to being one of those. And those three aforementioned characteristics/tendencies apply. So, if you peeped someone with those qualities or you are embodying them yourself, need I say.... SIDE SMASH ALERT!!!

So, what have we learned today?....

- Professional Side smashes have characteristics and tendencies that we can look for
- Most ppl are not fond of the side smash, or won’t admit it.
- There are different types (Later to be explored)

I say all this to inform you, debate with you and inspire you to come back next week!

Peace & Bless

DyVine by DySign

I wanna thank you all for taking the time out to read, and COMMENT!
**Don't forget to answer the question of the week!**


Isis said...

Dope read Dyvine Dyalogue.. see I tend to think it has alot to do with morals to. I know alot of people who are able to do things that I'm not because I have a conscience. Like I wouldn't be a good side smash because I worry that that kinda shit brings bad karma and I for damn sure wouldn't want my man smashing some shit on the side, I'm to selfish to share lol... Now my comments on the question of the week
Men and women can truly be friends I think. However I am a firm believer in the notion that at one point in time in that friendship one of the individuals has or had a attraction to the other. However this does not mean they brought the attraction to the forefront or acted off of it. This does mean though that if put in the position along the lines they might go. That of course though depends on how strong and in depth the friendship is. I have male friends I've known for 21 yrs in my 23 yrs of existence, now thats not to say that I don't find any of them sexually attractive but I wouldn't sacrifice a 21 yr friendship to be on some other and I wouldn't let him either. That all being said I hate when dudes have female friends and be like oh baby its not like that between me and her. My reply is always it may not be like that between you and her, I trust you but don;t be naive but one of ya'll has a secret crush of some sorts believe that.

H!Side said...

Interesting article... I will admit to being a the "Side" dude (that is my name) before. More like semi-pro though. I really don't like chicks that have a dude already because of the karma thing, but at the same time if I'm not on something more its cool because she got a dude she loves already. I can be ghost

Men and women being friends doesn't work too well, especially if there is an attraction. I think you can maintain close close childhood friendships, but a new one at this age is impossible if you are remotely attracted to someone. If you are around them enough, your going by default. Its what we are made for. I've said this to female friends who I suspect would be on something and watched them nod in agreement. Then we kept it funky and acted like it never happened until IT happened.

Anonymous said...

ii lOvE this qUoTe: "I guess the best way to describe us is either beautiful with issues, or ugly with low self esteem… I never set out to be a side chick."

TheRe aRe diFF tYpEz oF "siDecHixx" tho. TheRe aRe tHosE tHaT sEeK tO dEsTroY rELaToNshiPs on PurpOse && tHn tHeRe aRe tHoSe wHo jUs eNd uP bEcOmiNg aTtacHed && caTcH feeLinGs && tHn dn'T waNt tO bE tHe siDe chiCk aNymOrE && tHey waNna bE 'girLfrienD' nIdn'T caRe fOr siDecHixx i'm sUre nOt tOo maNy Ppl wiLL aDmiT tO iT, bUt mOsT wOmen haVe sOmE tiMe iN tHeir liFe becaMe a "sidechiCk" whether iT was wiT aN eX bOyfrienD, a cLose fRieNd, oR soMeone yU jUs mEt.

Oh yeh && ques of the week..ii think they can..if the guy is gay!...LMAO!

L-Bourgies said...

Choo choo!!! The L-Bourgies train is in the station. I'll refrain from commenting on side chicks but um as for that QOTD...Yeah it's perfectly possible to be platonic with a person of the opposite sex...if they're a family member. lol. As a beautifully bisexual woman I can say with confidence that I have thought about smashing EVERY SINGLE non family member that has crossed my path for more than a few months. Don't judge me. lol.

HOWEVER it is imperative that we understand that just cuz you think about screwing someone doesn't mean you'd actually do it. You have to take into account the possibility (the likelyhood of it happening), the feasibility (could you look past the friendship and perform if the situation arose), and the accountability (would you really be able to look yourself in the mirror after smashing said friend)

If any of these factors is a no go then you should save the friend sex for your fantasies, and continue to perpetuate the boldfaced LIE that any relationship between you and the sex you're attracted to will always be platonic.

Malcolm Snax said...

Tres Intressant! Well here's one 4 ya, im so determined 2 keep my Love Lock'd Down.. My Love Lock'd Down!.. that every chick i've encountered 4 the past 2 years has been a "side chick". I tell em i luv myself, but im willing 2 cheat on me and u'd be surprised how many chicks r willing 2 accept this role of a sudo-girl friend. Sometimes if u like a person, u'll take wutever they give u. Furthermore, the side smash is a necessary evil... a yin to a healthy relationships yang. Side smashes help define a relationship and keep both parties on their toes. In agreeance w/ hiside.. i have no problem being a side smash when i know dude aint doing his girl right anyway.. u cheating on her.. she cheating on u.. w/ me! It happens.. such is life! I do however disagree w/ those who have a wonderful significant other and choose 2 screw them over, in that case the blame lies soley w/ the the cheater and not the side smash. If u cheat on a diet, u cant blame the 6 wing w/ xtra mild sauce! To quote 1 of my own raps.. "We should let karma govern our actions!" Take care of urselves ppl.. Elevate! Malcolm Snax signing off!

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